I Like Your Hijab

I like your hijab. It’s such a simple phrase, only four words. I like your hijab because it—though I have not felt it—seems to be made of silk. It lays perfectly and frames your face; it brings out the dark eyes you try so desperately to hide from the class. I actually like all of your hijabs, though I don’t know how many you have, but you seem to have a few. I imagine an entire closet filled with them hanging on hangers. I imagine you pick the color to match your mood for the day. There is the one that is so deeply red, it borders on crimson. I wonder what that one says about you: that you loved or have been loved? Then there is the floral one, wrapped so the flower — do they have orchids in Iraq? — is placed right over the ear. That one says, Today, I’m really feeling nature. The black one says, I, too, feel pain sometimes. The silk doesn’t miss an inch. The strands of hair near the border of your scalp struggle to crawl out of view. In a world where so many things seem marked by their instability, your hijabs are held together with only the strength of one or two pins—a held constant in the chaos of the grander scheme of things.

But I can never tell you this. Yes, we’ve chatted before. I once said, Yes, it is in fact raining. You once said, Where did you get the tea? I said, Over there, to the left. I think that might be the extent of our dialogue. Of course it seems like I run the risk of offending you by equating your hijab to a mood ring. I don’t really mean it like that. Though I’m not sure how exactly I do mean it, and I’m perfectly willing to admit that maybe I’m searching for some deeper meaning in what should first and foremost be a religious symbol. That would by my own fault, I guess, not yours. I just think they are really beautiful.

Then I wonder why. Do I think they are beautiful in themselves? Are they beautiful because they bring out your face, in which case, the beauty of your face is mediated by the hijab? Does that mean that I actually think your face is beautiful and not the hijab? Or do I actually think the hijab is beautiful for what it represents? Can a mimetic representation be inherently beautiful or do we project beauty onto it?

It is so very hard to think of beauty in this way, let alone speak of it. In a world where a piece of cloth can cause so much political debate, these questions have a bittersweet quality to them.

You and I cannot speak of it though. We are separated by religion and gender. For the first time in my life, such a separation strikes me. Though we are united in the same seminar setting, we are essentially from different worlds.As a man, feels like I would be insulting you if I complimented your hijab, let alone made eye contact with you. I know that the hijab is meant to preemptively stop lustful urges in men, from acknowledging the beauty of the female form and the need to embody a sense of purity. Hair represents beauty in so many cultures, and from what I understand, only your future husband will be permitted to look.

We may not be able to speak of it, so I will just write you this letter. It amazes me that four words could potentially be so loaded. I like your hijab. And I hope that’s okay.

Titisan Air Mata

Tidak semua tangisan itu negatif dan tidak semua insan yang menangis itu lemah.

Bilakah tangisan ini membawa erti kekuatan dan kehebatan?

1.         Menangis kerana rasa cinta dan takut kepada Allah

2.         Menangis kerana menginsafi kelemahan diri dan ahli keluarga dan berusaha untuk memperbaikinya.

3.         Menangis apabila melihat saudara seaqidah dizalimi dan berusaha untuk membantu.

4.         Menangis apabila melihat tatasusila umat Islam yang telah melampau.

5.         Menangis kerana berasa syukur dengan rahmat Allah yang terlalu banyak walaupun dirinya ditimpa bencana

6.         Menangis kerana menyesali dosa dan menyedari kesilapannya

7.         Menangis apabila dia menemui kebenaran setelah sekian lama hanyut di dalam kesesatan.

Tangisan-tangisan ini adalah kehebatan kerana orang yang menitiskan air matanya kerana Allah, adalah orang yang cukup tinggi rasa keimanan dan taqwanya seperti yang ditunjukkan melalui sabda Rasulullah yang telah diriwayatkan oleh Abu Hurairah r.a,

"Tidak akan masuk neraka seorang laki-laki yang menangis kerana takut pada Allah Swt. sehingga air susu kembali masuk ke dalam puting..." (H.R Tirmidzi)

Pada satu ketika Rasulullah saw. berkhutbah di hadapan para sahabat, beliau bersabda," Seandainya kalian mengetahui apa yang aku ketahui sungguh kalian akan sedikit tertawa dan banyak menangis." Kemudian para sahabat menutup wajah mereka dan mereka menangis. (Muttafaq 'Alaihi)

Pada suatu hari Rasulullah saw telah mendengar seorang sahabat Baginda yang sedang membaca al Quran. Apabila sampai ke ayat yang bermaksud:

"Maka apabila langit terbelah dan menjadi merah seperti kulit yang merah" Surah ar Rahman – 37

Bulu roma si pembaca itu berdiri tegak dan dia menangis tersedu-sedu sambil bertanya:"Aduh, apakah yang akan berlaku pada diriku apabila langit terbelah? Malang sungguh nasibku ini." Rasulullah saw berkata kepadanya:" Tangisanmu telah menyebabkan para malaikat menangis bersama-sama."

Jawapan yang sama telah diberikan oleh Rasulullah saw kepada seorang Ansar yang duduk menangis selepas menunaikan sembahyang Tahajjud.

Abdullah bin Rawahah telah menangis pada suatu hari. Isterinya melihat keadaannya turut menangis bersama-sama, dia bertanya kepada isterinya itu:"Mengapa kamu menangis?" Kata Abdullah:"Apabila aku teringat yang aku terpaksa menyeberangi neraka melalui titian sirat, aku menangis."Aku tidak tahu sama ada aku akan berjaya menyeberanginya atau tidak."

Subhanallah, kehebatan yang terserlah dengan linangan air mata yang membuktikan kekuatan seseorang insan.

Malah di antara tanda-tanda yang menunjukkan seseorang ini keras hatinya ialah apabila dia sukar untuk menangis di hadapan Ilahi.

Bilakah kali terakhir daku menitiskan air mata keranaMu ya Ilahi?

Where is this feeling ??

I’ve been crying for so long

Since the day I realized-your gone.

Yes I tried to stay strong

But everything I do seems...wrong

You gave me ease

You gave me peace

You gave me everything that I ever pleased

But now your gone and I’m alone

You’ve packed up, brushed up, all your belongings

You’ve left without goodbye

On to a beautiful journey

Now I feel empty

There’s something missing inside of me

You’ve left me here in misery

Whilst your exploring happily

What did I do to make you go?

You watched me struggle you watched me grow

But now your gone

And left me to move on

Without you?

Who are you? What are you?

You’re my IMAAN!

Scrunched up like a worn out can

Thirsty like a dried up dam

You were my Warner.

But I betrayed you

Left you rotting in the corner!

You built up the strength to get up and go

But for revenge you left with my soul

Leaving me blind deaf and dumb like the kafiroon

Not realizing judgement day is upon us soon

But now I feel different- something deep

My heart feels restless- it can’t get no sleep

I’m like little Bo Peep

Searching for my precious sheep

We’re meant to be together

Forever and ever

Me and my Imaan

The only way to gain true Ihsan

I need to find you

Wherever you are

Whether your on Earth

Or further than the stars

Alhamdulillah I’ve got my eyesight back

So I’m guessing I’m on the right track

I’m seeing this Dunya for what its really worth

Hypocrisy, democracy

Suicides and bomb attacks

Well you know what? No thanks!

I’ve walked to Allah hoping that  He’ll run to me

Trust me-being lost ain’t no fun

So I’m hoping on this journey I’ll reunite with my Imaan

Say sorry for the idiot that I am

I’m praying that I’ll reunite with my soul

Once and for all

Discover true Islam

Not with its sects and groups and corrupted scam

No TRUE Islam

Like Allah orders in the Quran

Like Rasulullah(s.a.w) showed

That’s that way its suppose to be done

In Allah I gotta confide

Read and understand His Quran

They say 'Imaan is like an airplane ride

The higher up you go

The smaller the things on Earth look.'